A Story of Big Dreams, Setbacks and Rising Again

By mid 2019 I was on fire. Between April and May 2019 I went from barely surviving to living a life that was beyond my wildest dreams. 

My daughter was born in July 2018 and it was a brutal transition from independence to motherhood and the transition was squashing me. I was trying my best to own motherhood while still working full time but I was exhausted, depleted and a bit miserable. After 10 months of struggle, I went on a Google quest. I was not sure what to type in the search box but I knew someone had figured out how to thrive in motherhood while still honoring themselves as an individual. 

The resources I found changed me forever. I found permission to chase my wildest dreams (i.e. start a baby item business because I loved the idea and why not give it a try?). I found the tools I needed to start making my crazy dreams a reality. I didn´t have to quit my job and do something big, I could chip away at my dreams each and every day while still showing up for my health, Bailey and Scott. And I found out that reshaping my beliefs about myself was equally as important to achieving my dreams as the actions I was taking. This exploration and everything I learned set me on fire. I awakened a Crystal that was always there but never had the tools to fully step into all of my greatness.  

As 2019 rolled on, I worked extra hours subbing so my husband and I could enjoy one date night a month. Getting our first babysitter was a big step. We went out to eat and went to comedy clubs with friends. It was a glorious transition from that first year of motherhood. In November 2019 I decided to do something really crazy, I was going to buy tickets for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child which would require our babysitter to stay for the whole day as the show was 2 parts. My husband and I were also going to schedule our first night without Bailey and go to Napa. These were all huge steps and took a lot of extra subbing to pay for it. I was so excited and on fire. 

We were 3 days out from Harry Potter and 1 week from our overnight trip and Bailey got sick. She got really sick. I kept downplaying it and saying she would be fine but she wasn´t. At 1.5 years old, she almost died from RSV. I almost waited too long to take her to the doctor. I was so excited for Harry Potter. I had worked extra hours to make all of it possible and didn´t want to miss it. So I downplayed it and she almost died. She was hospitalized and on oxygen support the entire week over Christmas. It was horrible. This summer during therapy I had to work through this traumatic event and almost losing her. I had to shed tears that could not be shed during that time because I was showing up for her. It was brutal and horrible and I am so grateful she survived. This event taught me how to show up for Bailey. Now every time she gets sick or something is wrong, we run off to urgent care. Now, I never hesitate and I never downplay and I always put her first.  

This event definitely diminished my fire. In 2020 we continued our date nights and I kept building out my baby business then March 2020 COVID dumped a cold pail of water over my fire and extinguished the flame (as it did for many). We worked from home for over a year, had Bailey full time until April 2021 and lost 3 babies to miscarriage in 2020. It was all survival. There was a lot of beauty in the brutality but at the same time it was brutal. We returned to school in person at the end of summer 2021 and it was pure chaos. Students did not know how to be in class. Fire alarms were being pulled multiple times a week, hallways were chaos, there were not enough subs to cover classrooms because people were out with COVID. At the end of the 2021-22 school year, a senior who was 6 weeks from graduation jumped off a garage building during lunch taking his own life. Then the Buffalo shooting. Then the school shooting in Uvalde, TX. Then the 2nd to the last day of school our staff was told that one of our 16 year old students was arrested for planning a mass shooting and bombing at our school and was recruiting other students to help. I was DONE! 

My dreams during this time … doing the minimum. Since having Bailey, my minimum dose of self care (or oxygen mask) is my health and getting 8 hours of sleep. This was still my priority and even more important while teaching in a school of 3,500 people in the middle of a pandemic. I was also working out in the morning before going to school. I closed down my baby business at the beginning of COVID because I didn´t want to deal with the extra layer of sanitation that would be required during a pandemic. I did get my year long personal finance class approved and taught my first sections during online school from 2020-21 and I launched my personal finance business in the summer of 2021. 

This past summer of 2022, I started with therapy to deal with all the trauma. When it comes to dealing with hard things, I would much rather shove it down and keep moving. After our last miscarriage, I repainted the house and built a chicken coop; that was my way of not dealing with it. But that is not a healthy response. It can work for a short time but ultimately if you do not deal with your trauma, it will deal with you in other undesirable ways.  Needless to say, I didn´t want to do therapy. Every session, my therapist asks me what I want to talk about and my honest response, ¨I don´t want to talk about it.¨ But I knew I needed to do this work so I would take a big breath and start somewhere. I dove into the work. I journaled to work through my thoughts. I cried through the grief and gave my trauma space. I read outside books to help and I showed up every week in therapy. It was painful but necessary and I had countless light bulb moments that started to bring healing. In the past 5 months, I learned and healed a lot. 

As of October 2022, it is time to relight the fire. 

It has been a tough few years and I know it has been for many of you as well. There was a lot of beauty during that time but also a lot of pain and struggle. I have done the work and I am holding my fire again. 

How this shows up for me … the bare minimum of self care will no longer be my standard. I am going for the cherry on top of the sundae. This means getting a massage once a month. This means going for a weekly hike. This means getting back to a yoga studio. This means honoring and chasing my true desire instead of dismissing it for what is routine and comfortable/safe. Last month this was going to the hot tubs after work with Bailey and Scott because hot tubs are awesome. This was a movie night on a Thursday with pizza and popcorn because that is what I wanted. 

So in 2023 I want you to join me in getting the cherry on top of the sundae. We will continue to face challenges because that is life but I want us all to come back to this … we only get this one beautiful life and we have zero say in how long we have. There is strength in our survival and lets take each day as an opportunity to be absurdly happy and do the things big and small that honor who we truly are. 

To 2023 and getting the cherry on top of the sundae. 

If you want more support stepping into your best life, please join my dream class where getting the cherry on top of the sundae is our whole jam. For more information, please visit my website for more details.

Disclaimer: I am an educator, not your personal financial advisor. Please make sure to do your own research before moving forward with any actions discussed in this newsletter.

Know that all investments involve some form of risk and there is no guarantee that you will be successful in making, saving, or investing money; nor is there any guarantee that you won't experience any loss when investing. Past performance does not guarantee future performance. Always remember to make smart decisions and do your own research!